{"id":329,"date":"2023-01-20T00:01:40","date_gmt":"2023-01-20T00:01:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/?p=329"},"modified":"2023-01-20T00:01:41","modified_gmt":"2023-01-20T00:01:41","slug":"selbstzerstorerisches-verhalten-illustriert","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/de\/selbstzerstorerisches-verhalten-illustriert\/","title":{"rendered":"Selbstzerst\u00f6rerisches Verhalten illustriert"},"content":{"rendered":"

Ich chatte gerade mit einer Frau (in einem Dating-Kontext), die ungenannt bleiben muss. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Da ich derzeit in Australien unterwegs bin und sie in Deutschland, konnte ich mich noch nicht mit ihr treffen. Wir haben uns immer wieder geschrieben, und es hat sich herausgestellt, dass sie an mir interessiert ist. Ich habe auch erfahren, dass sie Angst vor Ablehnung hat und nicht will, dass M\u00e4nner sie anl\u00fcgen. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Da ich sie noch nicht getroffen habe und nicht sicher bin, ob wir uns pers\u00f6nlich verstehen, habe ich beschlossen, ihr mitzuteilen, dass wir noch nicht exklusiv sind (sie sprach davon, dass sie in mich verknallt sei - was mich zu der Annahme brachte, dass sie sich auf einer anderen Ebene des Engagements befindet!) Dies geschah auch, wenn ich 100 % ehrlich bin, als eine abweisende Selbstverteidigung gegen zu viel N\u00e4he zu ihr. Das ist ein Thema, an dem ich weiter arbeiten werde. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sie schrieb, dass sie das nicht mag. Und ihr Kommunikationsverhalten \u00e4nderte sich daraufhin - sie reagierte nicht auf einige Nachrichten, die ich ihr schickte. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ich habe gemerkt, dass etwas nicht stimmt, und habe ihr geschrieben. Sie sagt, sie wolle \"nicht an einem Wettbewerb teilnehmen\". Sie sagte auch: \"Behandle mich nicht so, als m\u00fcsste ich den ersten Platz gewinnen, um dich zu sehen\". <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ich habe sofort erkannt, dass dies auf einige ihrer inneren Verletzungen zur\u00fcckzuf\u00fchren ist. Ich wollte damit keineswegs andeuten, dass sie \"den ersten Platz gewinnen\" muss. In der Tat freue ich mich auf jeden Fall, mich (einmal) mit ihr zu treffen! Ich bin sehr flexibel, was das erste Date angeht - und habe schon einige positive \u00dcberraschungen mit Frauen erlebt, von denen ich nicht viel erwartet habe. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Es ist wahr, es gibt viele Frauen und M\u00e4nner da drau\u00dfen. Aber die meisten von ihnen passen nicht zu mir - das habe ich versucht, ihr zu erkl\u00e4ren -, weil sie nicht die Art von Pers\u00f6nlichkeit haben, die bei mir oder ihr ankommt. Es ist kein Wettbewerb - es ist die Suche nach einer guten Passform<\/strong>! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sie \u00fcberreagiert auf meine Ehrlichkeit (die, wie ich zugeben muss, als Waffe eingesetzt wurde, aber dennoch ehrlich war - ich hatte bereits ein Date, w\u00e4hrend ich hier in Australien war, und ein zweites ist f\u00fcr morgen geplant). Wir hatten noch kein einziges Date - wir hatten nur SMS geschrieben. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ich habe ihr angeboten, dass wir uns zu einem Date verabreden, und wenn wir uns sympathisch sind, k\u00f6nnen wir bei einem zweiten Date besprechen, was wir brauchen, um uns weiter zu sehen. Sie hat die Nachrichten gelesen, aber nicht darauf geantwortet. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ich habe einen Kompromiss angeboten. Indem sie Angst vor Ablehnung hat - und nicht auf verletzliche Weise \u00fcber ihre Unsicherheiten spricht, nach ihren Bed\u00fcrfnissen fragt usw. - macht sie es sich selbst schwerer. Ich habe bereits begonnen, ihre Reaktion auf meine Kommunikation zu bewerten, und projiziere das auf ein zuk\u00fcnftiges gemeinsames Leben - ich habe gelernt, dass der R\u00fcckzug vor Problemen durch die Frau, an der ich interessiert bin, die Kommunikation viel schwieriger macht. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ihre Angst treibt sie dazu, sich von mir zu l\u00f6sen. Ihre Angst, abgelehnt zu werden, und die Ma\u00dfnahmen, die sie ergreift, um mit dieser Angst umzugehen, erh\u00f6hen tats\u00e4chlich die Wahrscheinlichkeit, abgelehnt zu werden!<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ich bin mir nicht sicher, ob wir bei der ersten Verabredung zusammenpassen - oder ob wir \u00fcberhaupt zum ersten Date gehen werden. Ich wei\u00df nur eines, n\u00e4mlich dass ich weiterhin nach L\u00f6sungen und Kompromissen suchen werde, die meine Bed\u00fcrfnisse ber\u00fccksichtigen. Und ich muss mich mit mehr Frauen treffen, um die eine zu finden, mit der ich wirklich in Resonanz stehe - ich will meinen Ansatz nicht \u00e4ndern, um die Unsicherheiten von jemandem zu beheben. Ich bin aber gerne bereit, \u00fcber Kompromisse zu sprechen. Oder mich von ihr zu trennen - was dann dazu f\u00fchren w\u00fcrde, dass sich ihre Angst verwirklicht ... <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sie ist mir als Mitmensch wichtig, aber es hat sich noch keine Bindung zu ihr entwickelt. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Die Ironie ist \u00fcbrigens, dass es sich m\u00f6glicherweise auch um ein selbstzerst\u00f6rerisches Verhalten meinerseits handelt - ich habe mich daf\u00fcr entschieden, ehrliche Kommunikation mit Waffengewalt zu betreiben - was dazu gef\u00fchrt hat, dass sie sich um 180\u00b0 gedreht hat, von mir als ihr Schwarm zu ihr als kalt und distanziert; dadurch habe ich auch meine eigenen Chancen, sie zu treffen, sabotiert. Ich werde weiterhin emotionale Verarbeitung betreiben, wenn eine solche Situation das n\u00e4chste Mal auftauchen wird. Im Moment habe ich nicht den Wunsch, sie wegzusto\u00dfen. Es ist wichtig f\u00fcr mich, mir dessen bewusst zu sein und es zu verarbeiten - ich habe das Gef\u00fchl, dass die abweisende Seite manchmal logischer erscheint als die \u00e4ngstliche, und das macht es gef\u00e4hrlicher, damit umzugehen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Foto von Alexandru Zdrob\u0103u<\/a> auf Unsplash<\/a><\/em><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I am currently chatting with a woman (in a dating context), who must remain unnamed. As I am currently travelling in Australia, and she is in Germany, I have not been able to meet with her yet. We have been writing on and off, and it transpired that she is interested in me. I also […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":330,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[17,128,10],"tags":[116,71,155],"class_list":["post-329","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-boundaries","category-dating","category-self-defeating-behaviors","tag-example","tag-sdb","tag-self-defeating-behavior-2"],"yoast_head":"\nSelf defeating behavior illustrated - VitalMeaning<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/de\/selbstzerstorerisches-verhalten-illustriert\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"de_DE\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Self defeating behavior illustrated - VitalMeaning\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I am currently chatting with a woman (in a dating context), who must remain unnamed. 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Ich bin ein gro\u00dfer Fan von Thais Gibson und ihrem YouTube-Kanal und ihrer Schule :-)","sameAs":["https:\/\/pi3g.com"],"url":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/de\/author\/max\/"}]}},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/01\/alexandru-zdrobau-4bmtMXGuVqo-unsplash.jpg",640,341,false],"thumbnail":["https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/01\/alexandru-zdrobau-4bmtMXGuVqo-unsplash-150x150.jpg",150,150,true],"medium":["https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/01\/alexandru-zdrobau-4bmtMXGuVqo-unsplash-300x160.jpg",300,160,true],"medium_large":["https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/01\/alexandru-zdrobau-4bmtMXGuVqo-unsplash.jpg",640,341,false],"large":["https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/01\/alexandru-zdrobau-4bmtMXGuVqo-unsplash.jpg",640,341,false],"1536x1536":["https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/01\/alexandru-zdrobau-4bmtMXGuVqo-unsplash.jpg",640,341,false],"2048x2048":["https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/01\/alexandru-zdrobau-4bmtMXGuVqo-unsplash.jpg",640,341,false],"trp-custom-language-flag":["https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/01\/alexandru-zdrobau-4bmtMXGuVqo-unsplash-18x10.jpg",18,10,true]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"Max","author_link":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/de\/author\/max\/"},"uagb_comment_info":1,"uagb_excerpt":"I am currently chatting with a woman (in a dating context), who must remain unnamed. As I am currently travelling in Australia, and she is in Germany, I have not been able to meet with her yet. We have been writing on and off, and it transpired that she is interested in me. I also…","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/329","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=329"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/329\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":331,"href":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/329\/revisions\/331"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/330"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=329"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=329"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/de\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=329"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}