{"id":91,"date":"2021-09-08T09:44:29","date_gmt":"2021-09-08T09:44:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/?p=91"},"modified":"2021-09-08T09:44:30","modified_gmt":"2021-09-08T09:44:30","slug":"was-ist-emotionale-sicherheit","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/de\/was-ist-emotionale-sicherheit\/","title":{"rendered":"Was ist emotionale Sicherheit?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Ich habe heute aus einer Laune heraus begonnen, eine Liste der Dinge zu erstellen, die ich mir von einer Freundin w\u00fcnsche. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ganz oben auf meiner Liste steht die \"emotionale Sicherheit\". <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ich habe dann versucht zu formulieren, was ich unter \"emotionaler Sicherheit\" verstehe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Und diese Definition habe ich mir ausgedacht:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wenn sie Schmerzen hat, sollte sie mir keine Schmerzen zuf\u00fcgen wollen, sondern versuchen, den Schmerz zu lindern.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

All die klassischen Streitereien usw., die wir in Filmen sehen, gehen darauf zur\u00fcck, dass eine Person Schmerzen hat. Aber anstatt \u00fcber ihren Schmerz und die Gr\u00fcnde daf\u00fcr zu sprechen, verschlimmern sie ihn, indem sie der anderen Person Schmerzen zuf\u00fcgen. Dadurch sieht die andere Person die Person, die Schmerzen hat, selbst als Quelle von Schmerzen an und versucht, sich zur\u00fcckzuziehen oder zu reagieren, um ihre Schmerzen zu lindern. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kommunikation ist der Schl\u00fcssel, wie immer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ein Beispiel daf\u00fcr, wie man es nicht machen sollte<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Ich hatte bisher nur eine sehr kurze Beziehung in meinem Leben: Lucia.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ich bin w\u00e4hrend der Beziehung nach Indien gereist und habe mich dabei ertappt, dass ich mich von ihr distanzieren wollte (\"Ich werde jemand Besseren finden, ...\"). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ich bin nicht stolz darauf, aber so war es in meinem Kopf - ich glaube, die Wurzel ist der Wunsch, sich vor allen romantischen Beziehungen zu sch\u00fctzen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Auf jeden Fall habe ich in Indien ein Geschenk f\u00fcr sie gekauft - einen Teddyb\u00e4ren mit einem Herz in den H\u00e4nden. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ich wollte es ihr zum Valentinstag schenken. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Um sie damit zu \u00e4rgern, erz\u00e4hlte ich ihr sp\u00e4ter beim Skypen (ich war zu diesem Zeitpunkt bereits nach Deutschland zur\u00fcckgekehrt), dass das Geschenk in der kleinen Tasche ist. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sie hat richtig erraten, was es war, und hat sich tats\u00e4chlich dar\u00fcber aufgeregt und gesagt: \"Alles, was du mir zum Valentinstag schenkst, ist ein kleiner Teddyb\u00e4r?!?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sie hatte sich einen Saree gew\u00fcnscht (aber mich nicht direkt darum gebeten<\/strong>!) und war entt\u00e4uscht, dass ich ihr keins mitgebracht hatte. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wenn sie mich gebeten h\u00e4tte, ihr einen Saree mitzubringen, h\u00e4tte ich das getan. (Ich h\u00e4tte es nur erraten k\u00f6nnen, weil sie einmal sagte: \"Ich mag Sarees\").<\/p>\n\n\n\n

W\u00e4hrend ich dies schreibe, ist es \u00fcbrigens auch eine gute Erinnerung f\u00fcr MICH selbst, anderen Menschen sehr direkt mitzuteilen, was ich brauche \/ was ich m\u00f6chte. Um ihnen zumindest die M\u00f6glichkeit zu geben, mein Bed\u00fcrfnis zu erf\u00fcllen, anstatt dass sie die Dinge nur wahrnehmen als zuf\u00e4llige Information <\/strong>Ich teile. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

emotionale Sicherheit und Anfragen<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Im Falle meiner Ex-Freundin Lucia war sie entt\u00e4uscht, dass ich \"nur einen kleinen Teddyb\u00e4ren\" mitgebracht hatte. Ich tappte kurz in die Falle, ihr eine Freude machen zu wollen, und kaufte eine teure Halskette. (Ich sagte: \"Nat\u00fcrlich ist das nicht das Einzige, was ich f\u00fcr dich besorge\" - was eine L\u00fcge war, es war das Einzige, was ich ihr schenken wollte - in dem Restaurant, in dem wir verabredet waren.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wir haben uns am Ende nicht am Valentinstag getroffen (sie konnte nicht). Ich habe ihr Blumen geschickt und konnte ihr gl\u00fccklicherweise die Kette zur\u00fcckgeben. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kurz darauf trennten wir uns. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sie hatte Schmerzen und wollte, dass ich diese Schmerzen lindere. Aber stattdessen stie\u00df sie mich weg, indem sie aus dem Schmerz heraus kommunizieren<\/strong>und wollte, dass ich diesen Schmerz teilen<\/strong>damit ich die Dinge \u00e4ndern kann. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Der Irrglaube ist, dass der andere nur dann etwas f\u00fcr Sie tun wird, wenn Sie ihm Schmerzen zuf\u00fcgen, und dass er sich in Sie einf\u00fchlen kann.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Das ist nicht der richtige Ansatz - zumindest bei mir. Wenn mir etwas Schmerzen bereitet, versuche ich, mich davor zu sch\u00fctzen, indem ich mich zur\u00fcckziehe. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Vor allem, weil ich in diesem Fall versucht habe, etwas Nettes f\u00fcr sie zu tun und daf\u00fcr \"bestraft\" wurde. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Emotionales Gleichgewicht ist eine Sache, die man sich erarbeiten muss, aber das ist es wert. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Magische Dinge geschehen, wenn man kommuniziert, ohne zu versuchen, der anderen Person Schmerzen zuzuf\u00fcgen, sondern sie einfach sehen l\u00e4sst, dass man Schmerzen hat, und sich verletzlich zeigt. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Von Sarkasmus will ich gar nicht erst anfangen ... Ich bin in dieser Hinsicht eine sensible Seele. <\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I’ve started today, on a whim, to compile a list of “top things I would like to see in a girlfriend”. At the very top of my list is “emotional safety”. I then tried to formulate what I mean by “emotional safety”. 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