{"id":329,"date":"2023-01-20T00:01:40","date_gmt":"2023-01-20T00:01:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/?p=329"},"modified":"2023-01-20T00:01:41","modified_gmt":"2023-01-20T00:01:41","slug":"comportement-dautodefense-illustre","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/fr\/comportement-dautodefense-illustre\/","title":{"rendered":"Comportement autodestructeur illustr\u00e9"},"content":{"rendered":"

Je discute actuellement avec une femme (dans un contexte de rencontre), qui doit rester anonyme. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Comme je suis actuellement en voyage en Australie et qu'elle est en Allemagne, je n'ai pas encore pu la rencontrer. Nous nous sommes \u00e9crit de temps en temps, et il est apparu qu'elle s'int\u00e9ressait \u00e0 moi. J'ai \u00e9galement appris qu'elle a peur du rejet et qu'elle ne veut pas que les hommes lui mentent. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Comme je ne l'ai pas encore rencontr\u00e9e, et que je ne suis pas s\u00fbr que nous r\u00e9sonnerons en personne, j'ai d\u00e9cid\u00e9 de partager avec elle que nous ne sommes pas encore exclusifs (elle a parl\u00e9 de moi comme \u00e9tant son b\u00e9guin - ce qui m'a fait penser qu'elle est \u00e0 un niveau d'engagement diff\u00e9rent !) Cela a \u00e9galement \u00e9t\u00e9 fait, si je suis 100 % honn\u00eate, comme une auto-d\u00e9fense d\u00e9daigneuse contre une trop grande proximit\u00e9 avec elle. C'est un probl\u00e8me sur lequel je vais continuer \u00e0 travailler. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Elle a \u00e9crit qu'elle n'aimait pas \u00e7a. Et son comportement de communication a chang\u00e9 apr\u00e8s cela - elle n'a pas r\u00e9agi \u00e0 certains messages que je lui ai envoy\u00e9s. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

J'ai compris qu'il se passait quelque chose et je lui ai \u00e9crit. Elle dit qu'elle ne veut pas \"\u00eatre dans une comp\u00e9tition\". Elle a \u00e9galement dit \"ne me traite pas comme si je devais gagner la premi\u00e8re place pour te voir\". <\/p>\n\n\n\n

J'ai imm\u00e9diatement compris que cela \u00e9tait d\u00fb \u00e0 certaines de ses blessures profondes. Je n'indiquais en aucun cas qu'elle devait \"gagner la premi\u00e8re place\". En fait, je suis heureux de la rencontrer (une fois) dans tous les cas ! Je suis tr\u00e8s flexible en ce qui concerne le premier rendez-vous - et j'ai eu de bonnes surprises avec des femmes dont je n'attendais pas grand-chose. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

C'est vrai, il y a beaucoup de femmes et d'hommes dans le monde. Mais la plupart d'entre eux ne sont pas compatibles - ce que j'ai essay\u00e9 de lui expliquer - parce qu'ils n'ont pas le genre de personnalit\u00e9 qui r\u00e9sonne avec moi, ou avec elle, d'ailleurs. Ce n'est pas une comp\u00e9tition - c'est la recherche d'une bonne ad\u00e9quation<\/strong>! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Elle r\u00e9agit de mani\u00e8re excessive \u00e0 mon honn\u00eatet\u00e9 (qui, je l'admets, a \u00e9t\u00e9 utilis\u00e9e comme une arme, mais qui reste honn\u00eate - j'ai d\u00e9j\u00e0 eu un rendez-vous pendant mon s\u00e9jour en Australie, et un deuxi\u00e8me rendez-vous est pr\u00e9vu demain). Nous ne sommes pas encore sortis ensemble, nous nous sommes juste envoy\u00e9s des SMS. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Je lui ai propos\u00e9 d'aller \u00e0 un rendez-vous, et si nous r\u00e9sonnons, nous pourrons discuter au deuxi\u00e8me rendez-vous de ce dont nous avons besoin pour continuer \u00e0 nous voir. Elle a lu les messages, mais n'y a pas r\u00e9pondu. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

J'ai propos\u00e9 un compromis. En ayant peur d'\u00eatre rejet\u00e9e - et en ne parlant pas de ses ins\u00e9curit\u00e9s de mani\u00e8re vuln\u00e9rable, en ne demandant pas ce dont elle a besoin, etc. J'ai d\u00e9j\u00e0 commenc\u00e9 \u00e0 \u00e9valuer sa r\u00e9action \u00e0 ma communication et je la projette dans une future vie commune. J'ai appris que le fait de se retirer des probl\u00e8mes de la femme qui m'int\u00e9resse rend la communication beaucoup plus difficile. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sa peur la pousse \u00e0 se d\u00e9sengager de moi. Sa peur d'\u00eatre rejet\u00e9, les actions qu'elle prend pour g\u00e9rer cette peur, augmentent en fait la probabilit\u00e9 d'\u00eatre rejet\u00e9 !<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Je ne suis pas s\u00fbr que nous r\u00e9sonnerons au premier rendez-vous - ou m\u00eame que nous irons au premier rendez-vous. Je sais juste une chose, c'est que je vais continuer \u00e0 chercher des solutions et des compromis qui tiennent compte de mes besoins. Et j'ai besoin de voir plus de femmes, pour trouver celle avec laquelle je r\u00e9sonne vraiment - je ne veux pas changer mon approche pour r\u00e9parer les ins\u00e9curit\u00e9s de quelqu'un. Je suis cependant heureux de parler de compromis. Ou de m'\u00e9loigner d'elle - ce qui aurait pour cons\u00e9quence de r\u00e9aliser ses craintes... <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Je me soucie d'elle en tant qu'\u00eatre humain, mais aucun attachement ne s'est encore form\u00e9 en moi \u00e0 son \u00e9gard. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

L'ironie, c'est qu'il s'agit peut-\u00eatre aussi d'un comportement autodestructeur de ma part - o\u00f9 j'ai choisi d'utiliser une communication honn\u00eate arm\u00e9e - ce qui l'a fait basculer \u00e0 180\u00b0 de l'\u00e9tat d'amour qu'elle avait pour moi \u00e0 celui de froideur et de distance ; ce qui a aussi sabot\u00e9 mes propres chances de la rencontrer en particulier. Je continuerai \u00e0 faire un traitement \u00e9motionnel lorsqu'une telle situation se pr\u00e9sentera la prochaine fois. Pour l'instant, je n'ai pas envie de la repousser. Il est important que j'en sois conscient et que je le traite - je sens que le c\u00f4t\u00e9 d\u00e9daigneux est parfois plus logique que le c\u00f4t\u00e9 anxieux, et c'est ce qui le rend plus dangereux \u00e0 g\u00e9rer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Photo par Alexandru Zdrob\u0103u<\/a> sur Unsplash<\/a><\/em><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I am currently chatting with a woman (in a dating context), who must remain unnamed. As I am currently travelling in Australia, and she is in Germany, I have not been able to meet with her yet. We have been writing on and off, and it transpired that she is interested in me. I also […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":330,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[17,128,10],"tags":[116,71,155],"class_list":["post-329","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-boundaries","category-dating","category-self-defeating-behaviors","tag-example","tag-sdb","tag-self-defeating-behavior-2"],"yoast_head":"\nSelf defeating behavior illustrated - VitalMeaning<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/fr\/comportement-dautodefense-illustre\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"fr_FR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Self defeating behavior illustrated - VitalMeaning\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I am currently chatting with a woman (in a dating context), who must remain unnamed. 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Je suis un grand fan de Thais Gibson, de sa cha\u00eene YouTube et de son \u00e9cole :-)","sameAs":["https:\/\/pi3g.com"],"url":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/fr\/author\/max\/"}]}},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/01\/alexandru-zdrobau-4bmtMXGuVqo-unsplash.jpg",640,341,false],"thumbnail":["https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/01\/alexandru-zdrobau-4bmtMXGuVqo-unsplash-150x150.jpg",150,150,true],"medium":["https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/01\/alexandru-zdrobau-4bmtMXGuVqo-unsplash-300x160.jpg",300,160,true],"medium_large":["https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/01\/alexandru-zdrobau-4bmtMXGuVqo-unsplash.jpg",640,341,false],"large":["https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/01\/alexandru-zdrobau-4bmtMXGuVqo-unsplash.jpg",640,341,false],"1536x1536":["https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/01\/alexandru-zdrobau-4bmtMXGuVqo-unsplash.jpg",640,341,false],"2048x2048":["https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/01\/alexandru-zdrobau-4bmtMXGuVqo-unsplash.jpg",640,341,false],"trp-custom-language-flag":["https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/01\/alexandru-zdrobau-4bmtMXGuVqo-unsplash-18x10.jpg",18,10,true]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"Max","author_link":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/fr\/author\/max\/"},"uagb_comment_info":1,"uagb_excerpt":"I am currently chatting with a woman (in a dating context), who must remain unnamed. As I am currently travelling in Australia, and she is in Germany, I have not been able to meet with her yet. We have been writing on and off, and it transpired that she is interested in me. I also\u2026","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/329","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=329"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/329\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":331,"href":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/329\/revisions\/331"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/330"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=329"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=329"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=329"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}