{"id":72,"date":"2021-09-04T07:14:55","date_gmt":"2021-09-04T07:14:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/?p=72"},"modified":"2021-09-04T09:39:56","modified_gmt":"2021-09-04T09:39:56","slug":"bouleversement-sur-la-distance-du-travail-de-lombre-doree","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/fr\/bouleversement-sur-la-distance-du-travail-de-lombre-doree\/","title":{"rendered":"La distance vous d\u00e9range ? Faites le travail de l'ombre dor\u00e9e"},"content":{"rendered":"

La femme que j'aime est le meilleur professeur pour moi. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Elle s'\u00e9loigne de moi. Je commence \u00e0 \u00eatre obs\u00e9d\u00e9 par la fa\u00e7on de la \"gagner\", de la \"convaincre de construire une relation avec moi\". Oui, on est un peu coinc\u00e9s dans la phase \"amis ou plus ?\". Je re\u00e7ois des signaux contradictoires de sa part, et je suis confus.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Je m'\u00e9tais pr\u00e9cipit\u00e9e et obs\u00e9d\u00e9e, lisant sur les \u00e9vitants d\u00e9daigneux, les styles d'attachement, les contre-d\u00e9pendants, les personnalit\u00e9s obsessionnelles, etc. - pour essayer de la comprendre, de trouver le \"cl\u00e9 magique<\/strong>\"qui lui ferait enfin voir mon amour, etc. Essayer de contr\u00f4ler la situation en trouvant la solution, pour que nous soyons tous les deux heureux. Cela vous semble-t-il familier ?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Vous voyez, elle sait que je lui suis d\u00e9vou\u00e9 et que je me soucie d'elle. Elle n'a pas besoin d'autres preuves. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Elle a besoin de moins de pression. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Avant hier, je pensais que c'est elle <\/strong>qui doit me donner une vraie chance. Et je dois la \"convaincre\", d'une mani\u00e8re ou d'une autre. Je dois lui \"faire voir la lumi\u00e8re\". <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hier, j'ai eu l'id\u00e9e que c'est moi qui dois nous donner une vraie chance<\/strong><\/span>. C'\u00e9tait une bonne pens\u00e9e \u00e0 avoir, et un changement de paradigme.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Moins de pression sur mon bien-aim\u00e9<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Elle a besoin de moins de pression. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

J'ai \u00e9t\u00e9 patient et je l'ai tr\u00e8s bien trait\u00e9e, j'ai accept\u00e9 qu'elle se retire, etc. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cela a augment\u00e9 la pression interne en moi, la pression pour faire avancer les choses d'une mani\u00e8re ou d'une autre, m\u00eame avec \"moins de pression sur elle\". <\/p>\n\n\n\n

J'ai constamment peur d'\u00eatre \"trop\" (encore), de l'ennuyer, de ne pas dire les bonnes choses, ... <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tu vois que la pression sur elle est toujours l\u00e0 ?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Aujourd'hui, j'ai eu un aper\u00e7u suppl\u00e9mentaire. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

J'ai besoin d'enlever la pression sur moi, afin d'enlever la pression sur elle.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Moins de pression sur moi-m\u00eame<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

La raison honn\u00eate pour laquelle nous tombons amoureux des gens est qu'ils correspondent bien \u00e0 notre subconscient et qu'ils promettent (implicitement) de r\u00e9pondre \u00e0 de nombreux besoins que nous avons. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Par exemple, avec ma bien-aim\u00e9e, ce sont des choses comme son sens de l'aventure, des voyages, de la vie et du plaisir. C'est la promesse qui m'est faite : \"si je peux la convaincre de devenir ma petite amie, j'aurai toutes ces choses\". <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Et c'est la source de la pression ! J'ai d\u00e9sesp\u00e9r\u00e9ment besoin de ces choses, et elle semble \u00eatre \"la meilleure solution\" pour cela. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oui, je l'aime vraiment en tant qu'\u00eatre humain. Oui, je l'aime pour elle-m\u00eame, j'ai beaucoup de compassion pour elle, elle est douce et tr\u00e8s sexy. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mais la pression<\/strong>la pression que j'ai subie pour \"l'avoir\", et les montagnes russes \u00e9motionnelles est d\u00fb au fait que je ne r\u00e9ponds pas \u00e0 mes propres besoins de mon propre chef.<\/strong> - et attendant qu'elle les rencontre. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Je suis d\u00e9sesp\u00e9r\u00e9, et cela rend beaucoup plus difficile pour moi de me montrer de la meilleure fa\u00e7on pour elle, de la fa\u00e7on dont elle m\u00e9rite que je me montre.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Travail sur l'ombre dor\u00e9e<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Une autre chose merveilleuse que j'ai apprise de Thais Gibson's Le travail de l'ombre : comment surmonter vos sentiments d'indignit\u00e9<\/em><\/a> est le ombre dor\u00e9e <\/strong>travail.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Elle est bas\u00e9e sur les travaux de Carl Gustav Jung. En bref, nous projetons sur d'autres personnes des traits de caract\u00e8re que nous avons nous-m\u00eames, mais que nous refoulons, et nous \u00e9prouvons pour elles des sentiments positifs intenses. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

J'ai suivi le cours sur le travail de l'ombre et j'ai identifi\u00e9 les traits de caract\u00e8re que je trouve tr\u00e8s attrayants chez la femme que j'aime. (Si vous \u00eates int\u00e9ress\u00e9 par la mani\u00e8re dont cela est fait, je vous recommande de rejoindre l'\u00e9cole de d\u00e9veloppement de la personnalit\u00e9 de Thais<\/a> - elle a un essai gratuit). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mais je n'ai pas fait grand-chose pour mettre activement ces traits de caract\u00e8re dans ma vie ; au lieu de cela, je suis descendu dans le m\u00eame terrier de lapin pour \"essayer de trouver une solution avec elle\". <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maintenant, c'est un rappel pour moi-m\u00eame - je dois me concentrer sur moi-m\u00eame et mes besoins. Et je dois trouver des moyens - qui n'impliquent pas mon bien-aim\u00e9 ! - pour satisfaire ces besoins. Une fois qu'ils seront satisfaits, je serai beaucoup plus d\u00e9tendue. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Je vais donc nous donner une vraie chance.<\/strong> C'est entre mes mains, la solution se trouve chez moi et dans ma vie et non chez elle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Le banquet<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Imaginez que vous \u00eates s\u00e9rieusement affam\u00e9 et que l'on vous invite \u00e0 un banquet. Vous n'avez peut-\u00eatre pas les meilleures mani\u00e8res de vous tenir \u00e0 table, car tout ce que vous voulez et tout ce que vous avez en t\u00eate, c'est... pour remplir votre ventre le plus vite possible.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Si, en revanche, la nourriture est abondante et toujours disponible, vous serez plus attentif aux bonnes mani\u00e8res \u00e0 table, capable d'appr\u00e9cier la musique du banquet, les danseurs, la d\u00e9coration et de faire la conversation avec les autres invit\u00e9s. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

C'est ce que je vais faire maintenant, avec le reste de cette ann\u00e9e - je vais revenir aux notes du travail sur l'ombre dor\u00e9e que j'ai fait, et je me concentre sur la satisfaction de mes besoins et sur le fait de prendre du temps pour eux.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Je ne vais plus lire sur les styles d'attachement, ni essayer de trouver \"la solution \u00e0 son probl\u00e8me\" - elle fera ce qui est le mieux pour elle. Et si je fais ce qui est le mieux pour moi, maintenant, il n'y aura aucune pression sur elle pour qu'elle se mette avec moi parce que j'ai besoin d'elle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Il n'y aura que une invitation <\/strong>pour elle, \"de devenir ma petite amie parce que je me soucie profond\u00e9ment d'elle et que je veux apporter de la joie dans sa vie\". <\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The woman I love is the greatest teacher to me. She withdraws from me. I start obsessing about how to “win her”, how to “convince her to build a relationship with me.” Yes, we’re kind of stuck in the “friends or more?” stage. I’m getting mixed signals from her, and am confused. I had been […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"default","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"default","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[11,31],"tags":[12,5,9,4,32,33,14,3],"class_list":["post-72","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-relationships","category-tools-for-emotional-work","tag-boundaries","tag-dismissive-avoidant","tag-distancer-pursuer-dynamic","tag-emotionally-unavailable","tag-needs","tag-pressure","tag-running-away","tag-woman"],"yoast_head":"\nUpset about distance? Do golden shadow work - VitalMeaning<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/fr\/bouleversement-sur-la-distance-du-travail-de-lombre-doree\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"fr_FR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Upset about distance? Do golden shadow work - VitalMeaning\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"The woman I love is the greatest teacher to me. She withdraws from me. I start obsessing about how to “win her”, how to “convince her to build a relationship with me.” Yes, we’re kind of stuck in the “friends or more?” stage. I’m getting mixed signals from her, and am confused. 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I had been\u2026","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/72","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=72"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/72\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":83,"href":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/72\/revisions\/83"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=72"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=72"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=72"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}