{"id":91,"date":"2021-09-08T09:44:29","date_gmt":"2021-09-08T09:44:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/?p=91"},"modified":"2021-09-08T09:44:30","modified_gmt":"2021-09-08T09:44:30","slug":"quest-ce-que-la-securite-emotionnelle","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/fr\/quest-ce-que-la-securite-emotionnelle\/","title":{"rendered":"Qu'est-ce que la s\u00e9curit\u00e9 \u00e9motionnelle ?"},"content":{"rendered":"

J'ai commenc\u00e9 aujourd'hui, sur un coup de t\u00eate, \u00e0 dresser une liste des \"principales choses que j'aimerais voir chez une petite amie\". <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tout en haut de ma liste se trouve la \"s\u00e9curit\u00e9 \u00e9motionnelle\". <\/p>\n\n\n\n

J'ai ensuite essay\u00e9 de formuler ce que j'entends par \"s\u00e9curit\u00e9 \u00e9motionnelle\".<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Et cette d\u00e9finition est celle \u00e0 laquelle j'ai abouti :<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lorsqu'elle a mal, elle ne doit pas vouloir me faire souffrir, mais plut\u00f4t chercher \u00e0 r\u00e9soudre la douleur.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Toutes les disputes classiques, etc. que l'on voit dans les films - elles d\u00e9coulent du fait qu'une personne souffre. Mais au lieu de communiquer sur leur douleur et les raisons de celle-ci, ils l'aggravent en causant de la douleur \u00e0 l'autre personne. Ainsi, l'autre personne verra en fait la personne qui souffre comme une source de douleur elle-m\u00eame, et essaiera de se retirer ou de r\u00e9agir, pour soulager sa douleur. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

La communication est essentielle, comme toujours.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Un exemple de ce qu'il ne faut pas faire<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Je n'ai eu qu'une seule relation tr\u00e8s br\u00e8ve dans ma vie jusqu'\u00e0 pr\u00e9sent : Lucia.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Je suis all\u00e9 en Inde pendant la relation, et je me suis surpris \u00e0 vouloir m'\u00e9loigner d'elle (\"Je trouverai quelqu'un de mieux, ...\"). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Je n'en suis pas fi\u00e8re, mais c'est la fa\u00e7on dont mon esprit a fonctionn\u00e9 - je pense qu'\u00e0 l'origine, il y a le d\u00e9sir de se prot\u00e9ger de toute relation romantique.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

En tout cas, j'ai achet\u00e9 un cadeau pour elle en Inde - un ours en peluche qui tient un c\u0153ur dans ses mains. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Je voulais le lui offrir pour la Saint-Valentin. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pour la taquiner \u00e0 ce sujet, lorsque nous avons chant\u00e9 sur Skype plus tard (j'\u00e9tais retourn\u00e9 en Allemagne \u00e0 ce moment-l\u00e0), je lui ai dit que le cadeau \u00e9tait dans le petit sac. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Elle a devin\u00e9 ce que c'\u00e9tait et s'est \u00e9nerv\u00e9e en disant : \"Tout ce que tu m'offres pour la Saint-Valentin, c'est un petit ours en peluche ? !?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Elle avait voulu un Saree (mais ne me l'a pas demand\u00e9 directement<\/strong>!), et a \u00e9t\u00e9 d\u00e9\u00e7ue que je n'en ai pas apport\u00e9 un avec moi pour elle. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Si elle m'avait demand\u00e9 de lui apporter un Saree, je l'aurais fait. (La seule fa\u00e7on dont j'aurais pu le deviner, c'est parce qu'elle a dit une fois \"J'aime les Sarees\").<\/p>\n\n\n\n

En \u00e9crivant ces lignes, je me suis \u00e9galement rappel\u00e9 que je devais communiquer tr\u00e8s directement aux autres ce dont j'ai besoin ou ce que j'aimerais. Pour leur donner au moins l'occasion de r\u00e9pondre \u00e0 mes besoins, au lieu qu'ils per\u00e7oivent les choses uniquement comme de l'argent. comme information al\u00e9atoire <\/strong>Je partage. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

la s\u00e9curit\u00e9 \u00e9motionnelle et les demandes<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Dans le cas de mon ex-petite amie Lucia, elle \u00e9tait d\u00e9\u00e7ue que je n'aie \"apport\u00e9 qu'un petit ours en peluche\". Je suis bri\u00e8vement tomb\u00e9 dans le pi\u00e8ge d'essayer de lui faire plaisir, et j'ai achet\u00e9 un collier co\u00fbteux. (J'ai dit : \"Bien s\u00fbr, ce n'est pas la seule chose que je t'offrais\" - ce qui \u00e9tait un mensonge, c'\u00e9tait la seule chose que je comptais lui offrir - dans le restaurant o\u00f9 nous \u00e9tions cens\u00e9s avoir notre rendez-vous).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nous n'avons pas fini par nous rencontrer le jour de la Saint-Valentin (elle ne pouvait pas). Je lui ai envoy\u00e9 des fleurs, et heureusement, j'ai pu lui rendre le collier. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nous nous sommes s\u00e9par\u00e9s peu de temps apr\u00e8s. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Elle souffrait, et voulait que je soulage cette douleur. Mais au lieu de \u00e7a, elle m'a repouss\u00e9, en communiquer \u00e0 partir de la douleur<\/strong>et de vouloir que je partager cette douleur<\/strong>pour que je puisse changer les choses. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

L'id\u00e9e erron\u00e9e ici est que le fait de faire souffrir l'autre personne fera en sorte que l'autre personne fasse quelque chose pour vous et vous permette d'avoir de l'empathie pour elle.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ce n'est pas la bonne approche - du moins avec moi. Si quelque chose me fait souffrir, je vais essayer de m'en prot\u00e9ger en me retirant. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Surtout, comme dans ce cas, j'ai essay\u00e9 de faire quelque chose de gentil pour elle et j'ai \u00e9t\u00e9 \"puni\" pour cela. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

L'\u00e9quilibre \u00e9motionnel est une chose pour laquelle il faut travailler, mais cela en vaut la peine. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Des choses magiques se produisent lorsque vous communiquez sans essayer de faire souffrir l'autre personne, mais que vous la laissez simplement voir que vous souffrez, et que vous vous montrez vuln\u00e9rable. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ne me lancez pas sur le sarcasme... Je suis une \u00e2me sensible de cette fa\u00e7on. <\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I’ve started today, on a whim, to compile a list of “top things I would like to see in a girlfriend”. At the very top of my list is “emotional safety”. I then tried to formulate what I mean by “emotional safety”. 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