{"id":329,"date":"2023-01-20T00:01:40","date_gmt":"2023-01-20T00:01:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/?p=329"},"modified":"2023-01-20T00:01:41","modified_gmt":"2023-01-20T00:01:41","slug":"comportamento-autodistruttivo-illustrato","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/it\/comportamento-autodistruttivo-illustrato\/","title":{"rendered":"Comportamento autodistruttivo illustrato"},"content":{"rendered":"

Attualmente sto chattando con una donna (in un contesto di incontri), che deve rimanere senza nome. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Poich\u00e9 attualmente sono in viaggio in Australia e lei \u00e8 in Germania, non sono ancora riuscito a incontrarla. Ci siamo scritti di tanto in tanto ed \u00e8 emerso che \u00e8 interessata a me. Ho anche capito che ha paura del rifiuto e non vuole che gli uomini le mentano. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dato che non l'ho ancora incontrata, e non sono sicuro che ci incontreremo di persona, ho deciso di dirle che non siamo ancora esclusivi (ha parlato di me come di una sua cotta - il che mi ha fatto pensare che si trovi a un altro livello di impegno!) Questo \u00e8 stato fatto anche, se sono onesto al 100 per cento, come autodifesa contro la troppa vicinanza con lei. \u00c8 un problema su cui continuer\u00f2 a lavorare. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mi ha scritto che non le piace. Il suo comportamento comunicativo \u00e8 cambiato in seguito: non ha reagito ad alcuni messaggi che le ho inviato. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ho capito che c'era qualcosa che non andava e le ho scritto. Dice che non vuole \"partecipare a una competizione\". Ha anche detto \"non trattarmi come se dovessi vincere il primo posto per vederti\". <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ho capito subito che questo \u00e8 dovuto a qualche sua ferita di fondo. Non stavo indicando in alcun modo che lei debba \"vincere il primo posto\". Anzi, sono felice di incontrarla (una volta) in ogni caso! Sono molto flessibile per quanto riguarda il primo appuntamento - e ho avuto alcune sorprese positive con donne da cui non mi aspettavo molto. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00c8 vero, ci sono molte donne e uomini l\u00e0 fuori. Ma la maggior parte di loro non \u00e8 adatta - e ho cercato di spiegarglielo - perch\u00e9 non ha il tipo di personalit\u00e0 che risuona con me, o con lei, se \u00e8 per questo. Non si tratta di una competizione, \u00e8 la ricerca di un buon adattamento<\/strong>! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sta reagendo in modo eccessivo alla mia sincerit\u00e0 (che, lo ammetto, \u00e8 stata strumentalizzata, ma pur sempre sincera - ho gi\u00e0 avuto un appuntamento mentre ero qui in Australia, e un secondo appuntamento \u00e8 previsto per domani). Non siamo ancora usciti insieme - ci siamo solo messaggiati. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Le ho proposto di uscire insieme e, se c'\u00e8 sintonia, di discutere al secondo appuntamento di cosa abbiamo bisogno per continuare a vederci. Ha letto i messaggi, ma non ha risposto. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Le ho offerto un compromesso. Avendo paura del rifiuto - e non parlando delle sue insicurezze in modo vulnerabile, chiedendo ci\u00f2 di cui ha bisogno, ecc - rende le cose pi\u00f9 difficili per se stessa. Ho gi\u00e0 iniziato a valutare la sua reazione alla mia comunicazione e la sto proiettando in una futura vita insieme - ho imparato che ritirarmi dai problemi della donna a cui sono interessato render\u00e0 la comunicazione molto pi\u00f9 difficile. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

La sua paura la spinge a disimpegnarsi con me. La sua paura di essere rifiutata, le azioni che intraprende per gestire questa paura, in realt\u00e0 aumentano la probabilit\u00e0 di essere rifiutata!<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Non sono sicuro che ci incontreremo al primo appuntamento, o che ci incontreremo al primo appuntamento. So solo una cosa: continuer\u00f2 a cercare soluzioni e compromessi che tengano conto delle mie esigenze. E ho bisogno di vedere pi\u00f9 donne, per trovare quella con cui sono davvero in sintonia - non voglio cambiare il mio approccio per risolvere le insicurezze di qualcuno. Sono comunque felice di parlare di compromessi. O di allontanarmi da lei - il che porterebbe alla realizzazione delle sue paure... <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mi sta a cuore come essere umano, ma non c'\u00e8 ancora un attaccamento a lei che si sia formato in me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

L'ironia della sorte \u00e8 che forse si tratta anche di un comportamento autolesionista da parte mia, in cui ho scelto di usare l'arma della comunicazione onesta, facendola cos\u00ec passare da una cotta per me a una freddezza e a una distanza, sabotando cos\u00ec anche le mie possibilit\u00e0 di incontrarla. Continuer\u00f2 a elaborare le emozioni quando una situazione simile si presenter\u00e0 la prossima volta. In questo momento non ho il desiderio di allontanarla. \u00c8 importante che io ne sia consapevole e che lo elabori: sento che il lato sprezzante a volte \u00e8 pi\u00f9 logico di quello ansioso, e questo \u00e8 ci\u00f2 che lo rende pi\u00f9 pericoloso da affrontare.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Foto di Alexandru Zdrob\u0103u<\/a> su Unsplash<\/a><\/em><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I am currently chatting with a woman (in a dating context), who must remain unnamed. As I am currently travelling in Australia, and she is in Germany, I have not been able to meet with her yet. We have been writing on and off, and it transpired that she is interested in me. 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