{"id":109,"date":"2021-10-02T15:13:02","date_gmt":"2021-10-02T15:13:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/?p=109"},"modified":"2021-10-02T15:14:33","modified_gmt":"2021-10-02T15:14:33","slug":"het-nee-horen-in-het-misschien","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/nl\/hearing-the-no-in-the-maybe\/","title":{"rendered":"Het \"nee\" in het \"misschien\" horen"},"content":{"rendered":"<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Als we verliefd zijn op iemand, richten we ons op het \"ja\" in het \"misschien\". <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Vandaag is het voor mij ook tijd om \"nee\" te horen. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Mijn liefje en ik, we hebben een cyclus die als volgt loopt:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>zij verontschuldigt zich voor het lange uitstel waarin ik niets van haar hoorde (waarin ik haar de ruimte gaf)<\/li><li>we beginnen weer met elkaar om te gaan - ik stuur haar soms wat foto's, we praten over verschillende dingen, ik probeer het meestal luchtig te houden<\/li><li>misschien vraag ik haar om even bij te praten over de telefoon (zij woont in de VS, ik in Duitsland, dus we zien elkaar normaal niet)<\/li><li>zou ze zelfs kunnen zeggen, \"Tuurlijk, stel een tijd voor\"<\/li><li>Ik stel een tijd voor<\/li><li>Ik hoor niets van haar - misschien leest ze het laatste bericht, misschien ook niet (laat het ongelezen)<\/li><li>Ik geef haar de ruimte<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Vandaag zat ik weer eens in een dipje en ging ik op bezoek bij het graf van mijn grootouders. Er gaat niets boven een kerkhof om je eraan te herinneren dat alle problemen relatief zijn, en dat het leven erg kort is ... <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Onderweg kwam ik op een idee, dat ik hier vandaag wil delen:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Ze kan geen liefde voelen op de manier waarop ik het haar voorschotel, omdat ze het nooit geleerd heeft.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Als ze zich terugtrekt, is het echt <strong>omdat ze <span style=\"text-decoration: underline\" class=\"underline\">neemt  waar <\/span>mijn acties als negatief \/ bedreigend <\/strong>\/ ziet meer nadelen in mijn gedrag. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Er is niets wat ik kan doen (niets wat zij mij in ieder geval heeft meegedeeld) om dat te veranderen: <strong>Het is een perceptie kwestie aan haar kant<\/strong>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Door haar gedrag laat ze me zien dat ze niet \"meer van dat\" nodig heeft. Nee - ze trekt zich terug, ze stoot me af. <strong>Ze laat me zien, dat dit niet goed voor haar is.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">En dit is het \"neen\" waar ik het over heb. Het is niet uitgedrukt in woorden (hoewel ze een verjaardagscadeau van mij had geweigerd) - het is uitgedrukt in daden. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Ook al is ze er tegenstrijdig over, en stuurt ze me gemengde berichten (smileys met hartjes, enz.) - dit is een sterk nee van haar kant. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Een nee misschien gebaseerd op haar traumatische verleden, maar een <strong>geen <\/strong>waar ik naar moet luisteren en die ik moet respecteren. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Omdat er niets zal veranderen, en ik en mijn liefde niet in het slot passen dat haar hart zal \"openen\". Triest, maar waar. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Als jij in een soortgelijke situatie zit, stel ik voor dat je kijkt of het een patroon is - of een eenmalig iets. Als het een cyclisch patroon van terugtrekken is, dan heeft je liefdesinteresse misschien ook een \"nee\" in zich, en moeten ze aan hun kant werken voordat het een sterk ja wordt. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Ik ben nu van plan deze kwestie bij haar aan de orde te stellen, wanneer zij onze cyclus opnieuw opstart, om eerlijk te zijn tegenover mezelf, en om niet langer een bedreiging voor haar te zijn.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Ik zal haar alleen vriendschap aanbieden, totdat het een sterk \"ja\" wordt aan haar kant. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Ik ben van plan om weer met andere vrouwen uit te gaan, zodra dit aanbod aan haar is gedaan. <\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When we are in love with someone, we focus on the &#8220;yes&#8221; in the &#8220;maybe&#8221;. Today, for me, it is time to hear the &#8220;no&#8221;, as well. My love interest and me, we have a cycle which runs as follows: she apologizes for the long delay in which I didn&#8217;t hear from her (during which [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"default","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"default","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[69,5,9,68],"class_list":["post-109","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-emotionally-unavailable-women","tag-chasing-emotionally-unavailable-women","tag-dismissive-avoidant","tag-distancer-pursuer-dynamic","tag-withdrawal"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Hearing the &quot;no&quot; in the &quot;maybe&quot; - VitalMeaning<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/nl\/het-nee-horen-in-het-misschien\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"nl_NL\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Hearing the &quot;no&quot; in the &quot;maybe&quot; - VitalMeaning\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"When we are in love with someone, we focus on the &#8220;yes&#8221; in the &#8220;maybe&#8221;. 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