{"id":149,"date":"2021-12-05T10:00:14","date_gmt":"2021-12-05T10:00:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/?p=149"},"modified":"2021-12-05T10:00:15","modified_gmt":"2021-12-05T10:00:15","slug":"het-gaat-niet-om-jou","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/nl\/het-gaat-niet-om-jou\/","title":{"rendered":"Het gaat niet om jou."},"content":{"rendered":"

Ik ben lid van de Persoonlijke Ontwikkelings School, en ook van de offici\u00eble Facebook groep. Verschillende leden posten over hun leven en relaties.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Een verhaal dat iemand vandaag postte (en dat ik niet zal hervertellen, om zijn privacy te respecteren!) deed me denken aan mijn eigen situatie.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Een situatie, waarin ik met \"mijn\" DA love interest ben.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ze zal in principe niet antwoorden op sommige vragen \/ laat gesprekken afleiden. Ik heb mijn hersens gepijnigd voor oplossingen, maar uiteindelijk - moet ik waarschijnlijk accepteren dat de oplossing is om opnieuw te overwegen mijn keuze van vrouwen<\/strong>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In onze kindertijd, moeten we omgaan met onze ouders zoals ze zijn. Er is geen alternatief (zoals \"andere ouders kiezen\"). Sommigen van ons hebben de neiging dat over te dragen op onze romantische partners, en houden vast aan situaties die niet voor ons werken.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In mijn geval, voel ik geen vooruitgang en groei <\/strong>in de band met mijn DA love interest. Groei is erg belangrijk voor me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ik heb geprobeerd het vuur op mijn eigen manier aan te wakkeren, maar het lijkt erop dat ik te dicht bij haar kom zodat zij zich daar niet prettig bij voelt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dus herstelt ze het evenwicht door zich terug te trekken<\/strong>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Met andere woorden, ik vraag haar mij iets te geven wat ze niet kan. (Tenminste op dit moment.) <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maar het gaat niet om mij en dat ik niet goed voor de dag kom \/ iets fout doe. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Het gaat om mijn keuze, om de keuze om in een situatie te blijven waarin de vrouw niet ge\u00efnteresseerd is \/ in staat is tot wat ik \"van haar\" zou willen. (Een wederzijds bevredigende romantische relatie). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ze is emotioneel niet beschikbaar. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ze is bang om zich open te stellen. Tegen die tijd zou ik bewezen moeten hebben dat ik een veilige man ben om bij in de buurt te zijn, dat ik haar niet onder druk zet, dat ik accepteer en respecteer wanneer ze tijd voor zichzelf nodig heeft. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Het is niet genoeg, want haar programmering - haar verleden, haar ervaringen - zeggen haar dat ze bij mij uit de buurt moet blijven. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Het gaat niet om mij, het gaat om haar eigen verleden. En ik kan dat verleden niet veranderen (tenminste niet direct - mensen KUNNEN hun herinneringen herprogrammeren).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Het gaat niet om mij, het gaat niet om iets wat ik doe. Het is niet \"mijn schuld\", het is niet onder mijn controle<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Het enige wat ik zelf in de hand heb is mijn behoeften kenbaar te maken en partners te kiezen die ontvankelijk zijn voor deze communicatie en ge\u00efnteresseerd zijn in het vervullen van behoeften op een evenwichtige, wederzijds bevredigende manier. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Een huwelijk met mijn DA-liefde (iets waar ik tegenwoordig meer aan denk, vanwege mijn leeftijd) lijkt op dit moment onwaarschijnlijk. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ik wens haar het allerbeste en zal haar zo goed mogelijk blijven steunen. Omdat ik diep van binnen nog steeds om haar geef. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Op een bepaalde manier is zij een weerspiegeling van mij, van het verbergen voor de liefde. We zijn allebei hetzelfde.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I am a member of the Personal Development School, and also of it’s official Facebook group. Different members post about their lives and relationships. A story which someone posted today (which I will not retell, to respect their privacy!) reminded me of my own situation. 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