{"id":91,"date":"2021-09-08T09:44:29","date_gmt":"2021-09-08T09:44:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/?p=91"},"modified":"2021-09-08T09:44:30","modified_gmt":"2021-09-08T09:44:30","slug":"wat-is-emotionele-veiligheid","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/nl\/wat-is-emotionele-veiligheid\/","title":{"rendered":"Wat is emotionele veiligheid?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Ik ben vandaag in een opwelling begonnen met het samenstellen van een lijst van \"top dingen die ik graag in een vriendin zou willen zien\". <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bovenaan mijn lijst staat \"emotionele veiligheid\". <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ik heb toen geprobeerd te formuleren wat ik bedoel met \"emotionele veiligheid\".<\/p>\n\n\n\n

En deze definitie is wat ik bedacht heb:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Als ze pijn heeft, moet ze mij geen pijn willen doen, maar de pijn willen oplossen.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Alle klassieke ruzies e.d. die we in films zien, komen voort uit het feit dat \u00e9\u00e9n persoon pijn heeft. Maar in plaats van te communiceren over hun pijn en de redenen daarvan, maken ze het erger door pijn te veroorzaken bij de andere persoon. Daardoor zal de andere persoon de persoon met pijn zien als een bron van pijn voor zichzelf, en zich proberen terug te trekken of te reageren, om zijn pijn te verlichten. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Communicatie is de sleutel, zoals altijd.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Een voorbeeld van hoe het niet moet<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Ik heb maar \u00e9\u00e9n heel korte relatie gehad in mijn leven tot nu toe: Lucia.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ik ging naar India tijdens de relatie, en merkte dat ik afstand van haar wilde nemen (\"Ik zal iemand vinden die beter is, ...\"). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ik ben daar niet trots op, maar zo ging het in mijn hoofd - ik denk dat de wortel ervan de wens is om zichzelf te beschermen tegen alle romantische relaties.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In ieder geval heb ik in India een cadeautje voor haar gekocht - een teddybeer met een hart in zijn handen. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ik wilde het aan haar geven op Valentijnsdag. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Om haar te plagen, toen we later aan het skypen waren (ik was toen al terug naar Duitsland), zei ik haar dat het cadeautje in het kleine zakje zat. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ze raadde juist wat het was en werd er zelfs boos over en zei: \"Alles wat je me geeft voor Valentijn is een kleine teddybeer?!?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ze wilde een Saree (maar me er niet direct om gevraagd heeft<\/strong>!), en was teleurgesteld dat ik er geen voor haar had meegenomen. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Als ze me had gevraagd een Sari voor haar mee te brengen, dan had ik dat gedaan. (De enige manier waarop ik het had kunnen raden is omdat ze een keer heeft gezegd \"Ik hou van Sari's\").<\/p>\n\n\n\n

BTW. terwijl ik dit schrijf, is het ook een goede herinnering voor MIJzelf om heel direct naar andere mensen te communiceren wat ik nodig heb \/ wat ik zou willen. Om hen op zijn minst de kans te geven om aan mijn behoefte te voldoen, in plaats van dat zij de dingen alleen maar zien als als willekeurige informatie <\/strong>Ik deel. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

emotionele veiligheid en verzoeken<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

In het geval van mijn ex-vriendin Lucia, was ze teleurgesteld dat ik \"slechts een kleine teddybeer\" had meegenomen. Ik ben toen even in de val gelopen om haar een plezier te doen, en heb een dure halsketting gekocht. (Ik zei: \"Natuurlijk is dat niet het enige dat ik voor je zou halen\" - wat een leugen was, het was het enige dat ik van plan was aan haar te geven - in het restaurant waar we onze date zouden hebben).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We hebben elkaar uiteindelijk niet op Valentijnsdag ontmoet (ze kon niet). Ik stuurde haar bloemen, en gelukkig kon ik de ketting teruggeven. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

We gingen kort daarna uit elkaar. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ze had pijn, en wilde dat ik die pijn verlichtte. Maar in plaats van dat, duwde ze me weg, door communiceren van pijn<\/strong>en wil dat ik deel die pijn<\/strong>zodat ik dingen kan veranderen. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

De foutieve gedachte hier is dat alleen het veroorzaken van pijn aan je significante andere ervoor zal zorgen dat de andere persoon iets voor je doet, en toestaat om met je mee te leven.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dat is niet de juiste aanpak. Tenminste niet bij mij. Als iets me pijn doet, zal ik proberen me ertegen te beschermen door me terug te trekken. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Vooral, zoals in dit geval, heb ik geprobeerd iets aardigs voor haar te doen en werd daarvoor \"gestraft\". <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Emotioneel evenwicht is iets waar je voor moet werken, maar het is de moeite waard. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Er gebeuren magische dingen als je communiceert zonder te proberen de ander pijn te doen, maar gewoon laat zien dat je pijn hebt, en je kwetsbaar opstelt. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Laat me niet beginnen over sarcasme... Ik ben een gevoelige ziel op die manier. <\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I’ve started today, on a whim, to compile a list of “top things I would like to see in a girlfriend”. At the very top of my list is “emotional safety”. I then tried to formulate what I mean by “emotional safety”. 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