{"id":94,"date":"2021-09-16T07:47:34","date_gmt":"2021-09-16T07:47:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/?p=94"},"modified":"2021-09-16T17:33:11","modified_gmt":"2021-09-16T17:33:11","slug":"realtime-schaduwverwerking-verdedigingstechniek-bescherming-tegen-onterechte-kritiek","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/nl\/realtime-schaduwverwerking-verdedigingstechniek-bescherming-tegen-onterechte-kritiek\/","title":{"rendered":"Real-time schaduwverwerkingsverdedigingstechniek (bescherming tegen onterechte kritiek)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Tijdens een van mijn vaders emotionele uitbarstingen van kritiek op mij ontdekte ik een zeer effectieve techniek om de eigen emoties (en kwetsbaarheid) te beschermen tegen onterechte kritiek. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Het idee is om real-time schaduw verwerking toe te passen van de andere <\/em>perspectief van de persoon.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Als ze ergens door getriggerd worden, verwijst dat naar iets in hen.<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bijvoorbeeld, als ik word aangeklaagd als ongevoelig, ego\u00efstisch, enz. - is dit wat mijn vader zegt: \"Ik projecteer mijn ego\u00efsme op jou, ik projecteer hoe ik ongevoelig ben op jou, en het triggert me\". <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ik slaagde erin heel kalm te blijven tijdens deze sessie, en zelf niet emotioneel getriggerd te worden. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ik realiseerde me dat achter deze uitbarsting van hem pijn zit; en onvervulde behoeften die hij niet op een andere manier kan overbrengen. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hoewel hij beweerde dat het hem niet kan schelen als ik de discussie verlaat (wat ik had willen doen, omdat ik moe was & niet betrokken wilde raken in discussies over een rechtszaak die mijn familie had verloren) - realiseerde ik me dat het \"juiste\" ding (de schade \/ spanning op de relatie verminderen) zou zijn om te blijven.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ik bleef dus en slaagde erin op een gegeven moment een beschaafde discussie aan te gaan en de spanning weg te nemen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

De interacties met mijn vader hebben me ge\u00efnteresseerd in psychologie en het lezen over menselijke relaties. Om veilig te blijven, maar ik zie dat deze vaardigheden ook heel nuttig zijn op alle andere gebieden van mijn leven (bv. zakelijk). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hier is ook een transactie die ik had met een persoon die reageerde op een advertentie die wij hadden geplaatst, op zoek naar een nieuwe werknemer om bestellingen in te pakken:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

(\"Het salaris is belachelijk\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(\"Dank u voor uw feedback en veel succes met het zoeken naar een baan.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(\"Ik ben een schilder in loondienst, die 4000 \u20ac bruto per maand verdient.\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Het salaris in kwestie (dat ik bereid ben te betalen) bedroeg 1800 \u20ac bruto per maand. Aanvankelijk ging ik ervan uit dat hij een baan zocht en bij ons in dienst wilde komen, maar een hoger salaris nodig had (politiek van zure druiven). Nu zijn mijn gedachten overgegaan naar dat hij misschien sociale rechtvaardigheid wil, hoge salarissen voor iedereen, enz. - Ik antwoordde dat ik blij ben dat hij dit salaris heeft, en vroeg wat hem ertoe bracht het eerste bericht te schrijven. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Misschien zit er een interessante reden achter. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Misschien is het een projectie van hem dat hij zich onwaardig voelt voor het salaris dat hij nu krijgt. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dingen niet opvatten als persoonlijke aanvallen (zelfs als ze zo bedoeld zijn, want het is de alleen <\/strong>gereedschap heeft dat de ander heeft) stelt ons in staat de situatie te de-escaleren, en meer te weten te komen. Misschien meer om los te komen, misschien interessante inzichten. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Plus, het is ook leuk omdat deze persoonlijke aanvallen bedoeld zijn om je stemming uit balans te brengen, en mogelijk om een emotionele reactie uit je te krijgen. Dat is WAAROM de andere persoon dit middel gebruikt - ze hebben geleerd dat dit iets is dat werkt. (arme drommels) <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Als je heel anders antwoordt, en in staat bent om deze persoonlijke aanvallen af te doen als iets wat de andere persoon eigenlijk over zichzelf zegt<\/strong>, zult u in staat zijn hun boodschap over de pijn die zij ervaren werkelijk te begrijpen, en constructief te reageren op iets dat door deze andere persoon op een destructieve manier wordt gebruikt. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Je zult gelukkiger zijn.<\/strong>en meer ontspannen - en dat is wat telt. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Het is hun pijn, niet de jouwe - maar je kunt begrijpen op welke manier de situatie met jou hen triggerde. Niet alle mensen hebben goede intrapersoonlijke vaardigheden. Niet iedereen is erin geslaagd in een omgeving te zijn waar ze deze konden oppikken. Deze dingen zijn aangeleerd - en de contraproductieve kritiek \/ persoonlijke aanvallen zijn ook aangeleerd. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

P.S. deze persoon antwoordde op mijn vraag wat hem bewoog om mij enigszins cryptisch te schrijven \"jeder wie er es verdient\" ( aan ieder wat hij verdient \/ verdient). <\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

During one of my father’s emotional outbursts with criticism towards me I discovered a very effective technique to protect one’s own emotions (and vulnerability) against unjust criticism. The idea is to apply real-time shadow processing from the other person’s perspective. If they are triggered by something, it is referring to something within them. e.g. if […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"default","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"default","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[31],"tags":[53,49,48,54,55,21,50,52,51],"class_list":["post-94","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-tools-for-emotional-work","tag-angry-people","tag-attacks","tag-criticism","tag-emotional-outbursts","tag-hate","tag-pain","tag-personal-attack","tag-shift-mood","tag-take-personal"],"yoast_head":"\nReal-time shadow processing defense technique (protection against unjust criticism) - VitalMeaning<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/nl\/realtime-schaduwverwerking-verdedigingstechniek-bescherming-tegen-onterechte-kritiek\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"nl_NL\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Real-time shadow processing defense technique (protection against unjust criticism) - VitalMeaning\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"During one of my father’s emotional outbursts with criticism towards me I discovered a very effective technique to protect one’s own emotions (and vulnerability) against unjust criticism. 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