{"id":149,"date":"2021-12-05T10:00:14","date_gmt":"2021-12-05T10:00:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/?p=149"},"modified":"2021-12-05T10:00:15","modified_gmt":"2021-12-05T10:00:15","slug":"det-handlar-inte-om-dig","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/sv\/det-handlar-inte-om-dig\/","title":{"rendered":"Det handlar inte om dig"},"content":{"rendered":"

Jag \u00e4r medlem i Personal Development School och i dess officiella Facebook-grupp. Olika medlemmar skriver om sina liv och relationer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

En ber\u00e4ttelse som n\u00e5gon publicerade idag (som jag inte kommer att \u00e5terber\u00e4tta, f\u00f6r att respektera deras privatliv!) p\u00e5minde mig om min egen situation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

En situation d\u00e4r jag \u00e4r tillsammans med \"min\" DA k\u00e4rleksintresse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hon svarar i princip inte p\u00e5 vissa fr\u00e5gor och l\u00e5ter samtalen avstanna. Jag har letat efter l\u00f6sningar, men i slut\u00e4ndan m\u00e5ste jag troligen acceptera att l\u00f6sningen \u00e4r att t\u00e4nka om. mitt val av kvinnor<\/strong>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I barndomen m\u00e5ste vi hantera v\u00e5ra f\u00f6r\u00e4ldrar som de \u00e4r. Det finns inget alternativ (som att \"v\u00e4lja andra f\u00f6r\u00e4ldrar\"). En del av oss tenderar att \u00f6verf\u00f6ra detta till v\u00e5ra romantiska partners och h\u00e5lla fast vid situationer som inte fungerar f\u00f6r oss.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I mitt fall k\u00e4nner jag inga framsteg och tillv\u00e4xt <\/strong>i samband med min k\u00e4rleksrelation med DA. Tillv\u00e4xt \u00e4r mycket viktigt f\u00f6r mig. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jag har f\u00f6rs\u00f6kt att p\u00e5 mitt eget s\u00e4tt bl\u00e5sa upp eldarna, men det verkar som om jag kommer f\u00f6r n\u00e4ra henne f\u00f6r att hon ska k\u00e4nna sig bekv\u00e4m med det.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

D\u00e4rf\u00f6r \u00e5terst\u00e4ller hon balansen genom att dra tillbaka<\/strong>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Med andra ord ber jag henne att ge mig n\u00e5got som hon inte kan ge mig. (\u00c5tminstone just nu.) <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Men det handlar inte om mig och att jag inte visar mig p\u00e5 r\u00e4tt s\u00e4tt eller g\u00f6r n\u00e5got fel. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Det handlar om mitt val, om att v\u00e4lja att stanna kvar i en situation d\u00e4r kvinnan inte \u00e4r intresserad av\/kapabel till det jag vill ha \"fr\u00e5n henne\". (Ett \u00f6msesidigt tillfredsst\u00e4llande romantiskt f\u00f6rh\u00e5llande). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hon \u00e4r k\u00e4nslom\u00e4ssigt otillg\u00e4nglig. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hon \u00e4r r\u00e4dd f\u00f6r att \u00f6ppna sig. Vid den h\u00e4r tiden borde jag ha bevisat att jag \u00e4r en trygg kille att umg\u00e5s med, att jag inte s\u00e4tter press p\u00e5 henne, att jag accepterar och respekterar n\u00e4r hon beh\u00f6ver tid f\u00f6r sig sj\u00e4lv. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Det r\u00e4cker inte, eftersom hennes s\u00e4rskilda programmering - hennes f\u00f6rflutna, hennes erfarenheter - s\u00e4ger att hon ska h\u00e5lla sig borta fr\u00e5n mig. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Det handlar inte om mig, utan om hennes eget f\u00f6rflutna. Och jag kan inte \u00e4ndra detta f\u00f6rflutna (\u00e5tminstone inte direkt - m\u00e4nniskor KAN programmera om sina minnen).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Det handlar inte om mig, det handlar inte om n\u00e5got jag g\u00f6r. Det \u00e4r inte \"mitt fel\", Det \u00e4r inte under min kontroll.<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Det enda jag kan kontrollera \u00e4r att kommunicera mina behov och v\u00e4lja partners som \u00e4r mottagliga f\u00f6r denna kommunikation och intresserade av att uppfylla behoven p\u00e5 ett balanserat och \u00f6msesidigt tillfredsst\u00e4llande s\u00e4tt. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ett \u00e4ktenskap med min DA-\u00e4lskling (n\u00e5got som jag t\u00e4nker mer p\u00e5 nu f\u00f6r tiden, p\u00e5 grund av min \u00e5lder) verkar osannolikt i dagsl\u00e4get. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jag \u00f6nskar henne verkligen lycka till och kommer att forts\u00e4tta att st\u00f6dja henne s\u00e5 gott jag kan. F\u00f6r innerst inne forts\u00e4tter jag att bry mig om henne. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

P\u00e5 ett s\u00e4tt \u00e4r hon en \u00e5terspegling av mig, av att jag g\u00f6mmer mig fr\u00e5n k\u00e4rleken. Vi \u00e4r b\u00e5da likadana.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I am a member of the Personal Development School, and also of it’s official Facebook group. Different members post about their lives and relationships. A story which someone posted today (which I will not retell, to respect their privacy!) reminded me of my own situation. 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