{"id":91,"date":"2021-09-08T09:44:29","date_gmt":"2021-09-08T09:44:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/?p=91"},"modified":"2021-09-08T09:44:30","modified_gmt":"2021-09-08T09:44:30","slug":"vad-ar-emotionell-trygghet","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/vitalmeaning.com\/sv\/vad-ar-emotionell-trygghet\/","title":{"rendered":"Vad \u00e4r k\u00e4nslom\u00e4ssig s\u00e4kerhet?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Jag har i dag b\u00f6rjat sammanst\u00e4lla en lista \u00f6ver de viktigaste sakerna som jag skulle vilja se hos en flickv\u00e4n. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

H\u00f6gst upp p\u00e5 min lista st\u00e5r \"k\u00e4nslom\u00e4ssig s\u00e4kerhet\". <\/p>\n\n\n\n

D\u00e4refter f\u00f6rs\u00f6kte jag formulera vad jag menar med \"k\u00e4nslom\u00e4ssig trygghet\".<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jag kom fram till den h\u00e4r definitionen:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

N\u00e4r hon har sm\u00e4rta ska hon inte vilja orsaka mig sm\u00e4rta, utan snarare f\u00f6rs\u00f6ka l\u00f6sa sm\u00e4rtan.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Alla de klassiska gr\u00e4l etc. som vi ser i filmer - de har sin grund i att en person har ont. Men i st\u00e4llet f\u00f6r att kommunicera om sin sm\u00e4rta och orsakerna till den g\u00f6r de den v\u00e4rre genom att orsaka sm\u00e4rta hos den andra personen. Den andra personen kommer d\u00e4rf\u00f6r att se den person som har ont som en k\u00e4lla till sm\u00e4rta och f\u00f6rs\u00f6ka dra sig undan eller reagera f\u00f6r att lindra sin egen sm\u00e4rta. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kommunikation \u00e4r nyckeln, som alltid.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ett exempel p\u00e5 hur man inte ska g\u00f6ra<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Jag har bara haft ett mycket kort f\u00f6rh\u00e5llande i mitt liv hittills: Lucia.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jag \u00e5kte till Indien under f\u00f6rh\u00e5llandet och fann mig sj\u00e4lv vilja ta avst\u00e5nd fr\u00e5n henne (\"Jag hittar n\u00e5gon b\u00e4ttre, ...\"). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jag \u00e4r inte stolt \u00f6ver det, men det var s\u00e5 jag t\u00e4nkte - jag tror att det \u00e4r en \u00f6nskan att skydda sig sj\u00e4lv fr\u00e5n alla romantiska relationer som ligger till grund f\u00f6r det.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jag k\u00f6pte i alla fall en present till henne i Indien - en nallebj\u00f6rn med ett hj\u00e4rta i h\u00e4nderna. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jag ville ge den till henne p\u00e5 Alla hj\u00e4rtans dag. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

F\u00f6r att reta henne med det ber\u00e4ttade jag n\u00e4r vi senare skypade (jag hade \u00e5terv\u00e4nt till Tyskland vid det laget) att presenten ligger i den lilla p\u00e5sen. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hon gissade r\u00e4tt vad det var och blev faktiskt uppr\u00f6rd \u00f6ver det och sa: \"Allt du ger mig i alla hj\u00e4rtans dag \u00e4r en liten nallebj\u00f6rn?!?\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hon hade velat ha en Saree (men inte bett mig direkt om det.<\/strong>!), och blev besviken \u00f6ver att jag inte tog med mig en till henne. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Om hon hade bett mig att ta med mig en saree hade jag gjort det. (Det enda s\u00e4ttet jag kunde ha gissat det p\u00e5 \u00e4r att hon en g\u00e5ng sa \"jag gillar sarees\").<\/p>\n\n\n\n

N\u00e4r jag skriver detta \u00e4r det f\u00f6r \u00f6vrigt ocks\u00e5 en bra p\u00e5minnelse f\u00f6r MIG sj\u00e4lv att kommunicera mycket direkt till andra m\u00e4nniskor vad jag beh\u00f6ver\/vill ha. F\u00f6r att \u00e5tminstone ge dem m\u00f6jlighet att m\u00f6ta mitt behov, i st\u00e4llet f\u00f6r att de uppfattar saker och ting bara. som slumpm\u00e4ssig information <\/strong>Jag delar med mig. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

k\u00e4nslom\u00e4ssig s\u00e4kerhet och \u00f6nskem\u00e5l<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

I fallet med min f\u00f6re detta flickv\u00e4n Lucia blev hon besviken \u00f6ver att jag \"bara hade med mig en liten nallebj\u00f6rn\". Jag f\u00f6ll kortvarigt i f\u00e4llan att f\u00f6rs\u00f6ka g\u00f6ra henne n\u00f6jd och k\u00f6pte ett dyrt halsband. (Jag sa: \"Det var en l\u00f6gn, det var det enda jag t\u00e4nkte ge henne - p\u00e5 restaurangen d\u00e4r vi skulle ha v\u00e5r dejt.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Det slutade inte med att vi tr\u00e4ffades p\u00e5 Alla hj\u00e4rtans dag (hon kunde inte). Jag skickade blommor till henne och kunde lyckligtvis ge tillbaka halsbandet. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Vi skilde oss \u00e5t kort d\u00e4refter. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hon hade sm\u00e4rta och ville att jag skulle lindra den sm\u00e4rtan. Men i st\u00e4llet f\u00f6r det tryckte hon bort mig genom att kommunicera fr\u00e5n sm\u00e4rta<\/strong>och vill att jag ska dela denna sm\u00e4rta<\/strong>f\u00f6r att jag ska kunna \u00e4ndra p\u00e5 saker och ting. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Den felaktiga id\u00e9n h\u00e4r \u00e4r att endast om du orsakar sm\u00e4rta f\u00f6r din partner kommer den andra personen att g\u00f6ra n\u00e5got f\u00f6r dig, och l\u00e5ta dig k\u00e4nna empati f\u00f6r dig.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Det \u00e4r inte r\u00e4tt tillv\u00e4gag\u00e5ngss\u00e4tt - \u00e5tminstone inte f\u00f6r mig. Om n\u00e5got orsakar mig sm\u00e4rta f\u00f6rs\u00f6ker jag skydda mig fr\u00e5n det genom att dra mig tillbaka. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

S\u00e4rskilt n\u00e4r jag, som i det h\u00e4r fallet, har f\u00f6rs\u00f6kt g\u00f6ra n\u00e5got trevligt f\u00f6r henne och blivit \"straffad\" f\u00f6r det. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

K\u00e4nslom\u00e4ssig balans \u00e4r en sak som man m\u00e5ste arbeta f\u00f6r att uppn\u00e5, men det \u00e4r v\u00e4rt det. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Magiska saker h\u00e4nder n\u00e4r du kommunicerar utan att f\u00f6rs\u00f6ka orsaka sm\u00e4rta f\u00f6r den andra personen, utan bara l\u00e5ta dem se att du lider och visa dig s\u00e5rbar. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jag vill inte b\u00f6rja med sarkasm ... Jag \u00e4r en k\u00e4nslig sj\u00e4l p\u00e5 det s\u00e4ttet. <\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I’ve started today, on a whim, to compile a list of “top things I would like to see in a girlfriend”. At the very top of my list is “emotional safety”. I then tried to formulate what I mean by “emotional safety”. 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