Your desire is not my desire

Yesterday I had a job applicant in, who is openly very enthusiastic about joining, and really wants to make a good impression.

He’s offered to do extra services and help with other things beside the company as well.

I find myself resisting his application & interest in the position. Looking for problems, actually.

I tell myself, that he is not qualified enough. And maybe, indeed he is.

But the point I want to make here: his over-the-top desire / interest in the position is actually a turn-off. A kind of red flag, if you will …

He is very mistaken in “I just need to communicate my desire enough, and then I’ll get the position”. No, it’s actually I who has to get a desire to employ him. I have to see the benefits in doing so for myself. I have to convince myself that he’s a “too good catch to lose”.

I have to understand what is “in it for me”. I understand that he wants the position, and that that makes sense for him, and he really would like to work here.

I think there IS a benefit to having a candidate be interested, and wanting the position. But the benefit doesn’t outweigh his (perceived – by me) capabilities, and my projection of whether he’ll be able to manage the kind of work I’m looking to give to him.

Translating this to romantic relationships

Wooing a woman by telling her “I love you”, and expressing how much she means to you will only get you halfway. It’s not a strategy which, “turned up to 11” will “get” you the woman.

No. Indeed, the woman is looking to meet some needs – and once she perceives that these needs will be met by you, and you’re the best man for the job, she will “hire” you as her boyfriend. She will fall in love with you.