tools for emotional work Archives

Unlocking the Emotional Brain: Memory Reconsolidation in Psychotherapy

Leave a Comment / books, neural networks & the brain, paradigm shifts, self defeating behaviors, skills, tools for emotional work / Max

This book, “Unlocking the Emotional Brain: Memory Reconsolidation and the Psychotherapy of Transformational Change” penned by Bruce Ecker, Robin Ticic and Laurel Hulley came to me in an unusual way: My girlfriend said a guy she had dated before our relationship recommended it to her. This guy was growth-oriented, and naturally curious, I dove in. […]

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The danger of paying salaries based on your own emotional state

Leave a Comment / business, self defeating behaviors, tools for emotional work / Max

My emotions show that “X doesn’t deserve more pay” me earlier today The request A colleague approached me about a salary increase a couple of weeks back. She is a key colleague for me, someone who has a lot of responsibilities in my company. Someone who really matters, her leaving could disrupt my operation significantly

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How does it look like, when two people trigger each other

Leave a Comment / relationships, tools for emotional work / Max

At a networking event in London I met a group of people, and we went to “the Alchemist” bar together. Of course, some drinks were involved. One of the guys – let’s call him Harry – chatted up two women at a table nearby, and soon myself and two other gentlemen followed. Harry and one

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How does not getting triggered look like?

1 Comment / skills, tools for emotional work / Max

This is the story of how I became the owner of a new pair of glasses. I work a lot. Especially lately. It never feels enough, and it never “is” enough. That is, why I haven’t picked up new test contact lenses from my optician for several months. While going back home from our office,

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New LoveWisdomHub version online

Leave a Comment / business, relationships, tools for emotional work / Max

LoveWisdomHub is a website, where you can get immediate advice for relationship questions, such as whether to text your new crush, challenging friendship situations, and family ties. The advice is AI-generated, using GPT4 (“ChatGPT”) with a little twist. A friend gave me the feedback, that it is frustrating to wait for a long time for

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Replace judgment with curiosity month

Leave a Comment / relationships, tools for emotional work / Max

Historically, I have an FA attachment style – fearful avoidant. The FA has two sides to them: an anxious side, which goes into activation when the partner pulls away (for example if the partner is a dismissive avoidant who takes space), and a dismissive side, which deactivates. How does deactivation look like? For me, deactivation

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Updating Coping mechanisms

Leave a Comment / PDS, tools for emotional work / Max

Coping mechanisms and strategies are the things you do in response to a heightened (negative) emotional state. For example, a dismissive avoidant attachment style frequently will have negative associations with vulnerability. When they have been uncharacteristically vulnerable with someone, they will often have a “vulnerability hangover”. They will distance themselves, not return calls, and not

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Emotional Processing Pro Tip: Work on the right set of stories

Leave a Comment / tools for emotional work / Max

Just now I was again processing on a situation with an employee. My thoughts kept straying to another situation – which of course plays into my emotions (our emotions are a reflection of the sum of the situations we find ourselves in currently). Therefore, part of the equilibration of my emotions, a big part of

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List of abbreviations used in PDS

Leave a Comment / tools for emotional work / Max

In the personal development school by Thais Gibson, some acronyms are used. I am compiling a list of PDS acronyms. Thank you to all PDS members which contributed to this list. AP: anxiously preoccupied attachment style (person) APA: American Psychological Association AS: attachment style AT: Attachment theory BTEA: beliefs – thoughts – emotions – actions

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Is it reasonable to try and control this?

Leave a Comment / emotionally unavailable women, relationships, tools for emotional work / Max

I am currently working on the “Perfectionism” course by Thais Gibson. She recommends to inquire, whether the particular thing we are trying to control is actually within our reasonable control. And if not, to stop trying to control it – and surrender to the outcome. As driven, perfectionistic people, we might feel that “nothing is

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