For programmers, there is a paradigm which says “if it quacks like a duck, walks like a duck, then treat it as a duck”.
Similarly, a lover must treat you in a certain way to be recognizable as a lover.
This includes wanting to spend time with you, and engaging with you.
If they don’t behave as a lover, then they are not a lover.
Even if this is due to their past & fears.
Go find a real duck.