Why it’s easy to fall for emotionally unavailable women

All we do in our lifes is to interpret sense data.

We hear sounds, and make words out of it. We hear words, and make meaning out of it.

We understand meaning and make stories out of it.

A girl defending herself against Eros

All this requires us to pull up a lot of data from our own memory to fill in the “black spots”.

Every interaction with every person you have is influenced heavily by the past.

If your past has seen you interacting with parents, or partners who were emotionally unavailable, or did not respond to your needs the way you would have needed them to, this is your normal.

This way, the behavior of the emotionally unavailable woman seems to be what a relationship is about. The usual, what you’re used to.

You try desperately to fit the data (which is telling you to give up on that person, as they are not willing to do what it takes to sustain a relationship), fit it with the idea that you’re loved by that person after all. All this is created inside of you – the behavior of the woman is just the raw input, the flour, to the cake you’re baking. You’re adding the sugar, the oven, and the raisins. You know, how some cakes contain very little flour (= actual substance)?

Maybe she really loves you in her own way – just that that love is limited in it’s depth and capacity.

Maybe this woman is not capable of giving more.

P.S: Even if the woman doesn’t want you or never commits, please still treat her with respect. I’ve written a separate blogpost about this

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