Dismissive avoidants have difficulty handling closeness. A metaphor comes to my mind: A dismissive avoidant woman might want to stay in touch with you, but at a distance. It is as if you are a fire, and she wants to keep somewhat near (due to the protection and warmth). At the same time, she is […]
The fire: a metaphor for dismissive avoidants in your life Read More »
I am currently considering to purchase a MacBook as next computer, returning to the Apple world after a long hiatus (we used to have a Mac Performa in my childhood / adolescence). https://www.apple.com/de/newsroom/2021/10/apple-unveils-game-changing-macbook-pro/ Then I saw two more small mistakes in the text. If you speak German, can you spot the one in this snippet?
Even Apple has spelling mistakes on their website Read More »
Picking up the topic of “Can I actually control this?” up again. Everything we do is connected to some need we have. Or actually, it’s better to think of this as a chain of needs / linked concepts interlocking which serve to fill a core need. “If I get this woman, I will be able
Pull on the right lever Read More »
Yesterday I had a job applicant in, who is openly very enthusiastic about joining, and really wants to make a good impression. He’s offered to do extra services and help with other things beside the company as well. I find myself resisting his application & interest in the position. Looking for problems, actually. I tell
Your desire is not my desire Read More »
When we are in love with someone, we focus on the “yes” in the “maybe”. Today, for me, it is time to hear the “no”, as well. My love interest and me, we have a cycle which runs as follows: she apologizes for the long delay in which I didn’t hear from her (during which
Hearing the “no” in the “maybe” Read More »
I am currently working on the “Perfectionism” course by Thais Gibson. She recommends to inquire, whether the particular thing we are trying to control is actually within our reasonable control. And if not, to stop trying to control it – and surrender to the outcome. As driven, perfectionistic people, we might feel that “nothing is
Is it reasonable to try and control this? Read More »
I never liked the “toxic people” moniker. It kind of seems unfair towards these people. And then, you get the discussion, “is this person truly toxic or not?” I think the discussion needs to be shifted, and the definition needs to become our own. Same as different people tolerate different levels of poison, and some
During one of my father’s emotional outbursts with criticism towards me I discovered a very effective technique to protect one’s own emotions (and vulnerability) against unjust criticism. The idea is to apply real-time shadow processing from the other person’s perspective. If they are triggered by something, it is referring to something within them. e.g. if
Real-time shadow processing defense technique (protection against unjust criticism) Read More »
I’ve started today, on a whim, to compile a list of “top things I would like to see in a girlfriend”. At the very top of my list is “emotional safety”. I then tried to formulate what I mean by “emotional safety”. And this definition is what I came up with: When she is in
What is emotional safety? Read More »
We often bring up painful situations from the past, and ruminate about them. This is the brain’s way to try and avoid future pain. In reality, it is the brain itself which causes the past to be still painful. And we try to “control the past” (which is impossible), in order to remove / reduce
Controlling the past Read More »
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