If you can’t get what you want, take a step back

Let’s say you’ve fallen in love with a particular person (or customer, or idea, or home, …). And they are not available, for whatever reason.

You might despair, you might start feeling unhappy and frustrated. Focusing and doubling down on achieving “your goal”.

There is an alternative to all this (frankly unnecessary) suffering: taking a step back.

Yes, taking a step back and asking yourself: WHY do you want that particular person, customer, idea, home?

What is it about them that caught your fancy?

In other words, what kind of need of yours do you think / imagine they would be meeting?

In my case, with the DA woman I am interested in, it is emotional safety, freedom and adventure.

There is no doubt that these things are valuable to me. But I would be severely misguided if I assumed that only she can give me these things.

(In fact she actually might not be able to fill these needs – in fact she is not filling them as she is withdrawing from me … )

By giving up chasing a particular person you are NOT giving up that goal. In fact you are getting closer to that goal, as you are not wasting your energy anymore on something which doesn’t work.

So, whenever you’re stuck, take a step back and consider: what motivates me, what am I ACTUALLY trying to achieve in this situation?

And then go, continue to chase your dreams.

Photo by Javardh on Unsplash