I had matched with G on Tinder. She was very sexy and attractive, and also quite interested in me. For example, she was pushing towards having our video dates earlier, rather than later. I quickly identified as her probably leaning towards anxious attachment. This was not the reason I told her I don’t want to […]
G, or why I don’t continue to date this gorgeous woman Read More »
I had only one girlfriend so far, and we broke up because of a teddy bear. That is exaggerating of course, there were other issues, but the teddy was a symbol. The story goes like this: we met, dated, had sex. I started to withdraw, and she started to become increasingly stressed because of this.
The power of explicit communication Read More »
I had a dream this night. In the dream, I was visiting a restaurant with a friend. There were mineral water bottles hanging from a rack, some of them had mould on it. I then received cutlery which was not clean, as sometimes the automatic dishwasher fails to clean it. I requested for new cutlery
Dreaming of boundaries Read More »
When you go shopping with your friends, do you pay for their groceries? Maybe once in a while, but not all the time, right? Sometimes we end up “paying for the groceries” for important people in our lives. And someone who doesn’t pay for the groceries themselves will not see their value as directly and
Don’t pay prices other people should be paying Read More »
I am currently chatting with a woman (in a dating context), who must remain unnamed. As I am currently travelling in Australia, and she is in Germany, I have not been able to meet with her yet. We have been writing on and off, and it transpired that she is interested in me. I also
Self defeating behavior illustrated Read More »
I have compiled a checklist for myself today, to check new people – business, friends, romantic partners – which come into my life. This will protect me against dysfunctional relationships going forward. Note: all five steps are individual filters – if any one of them “fails” (e.g. if I don’t feel safe with the person,
Five steps to avoid dysfunctional relationships Read More »
I’ve had another one of these insights. We all want to achieve certain goals, and essentially control our emotions. Some people use direct methods to do this – for example by setting boundaries, and dissociating from people who disrespect the boundaries. (Thereby essentially setting a harder boundary). And associating with people who are safe &
Insecure attachment styles and control Read More »
I never liked the “toxic people” moniker. It kind of seems unfair towards these people. And then, you get the discussion, “is this person truly toxic or not?” I think the discussion needs to be shifted, and the definition needs to become our own. Same as different people tolerate different levels of poison, and some
I’ve started today, on a whim, to compile a list of “top things I would like to see in a girlfriend”. At the very top of my list is “emotional safety”. I then tried to formulate what I mean by “emotional safety”. And this definition is what I came up with: When she is in
What is emotional safety? Read More »
My father and I met a woman customer at the local post office, back when we were still living in Munich. She had a dog with her, and was berating the dog. I remember it ducking away in pain and looking up with it’s sad dog eyes. It was a German shepherd. Maybe it had
The woman and the dog Read More »
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