VitalMeaning

Real-time shadow processing defense technique (protection against unjust criticism)

Leave a Comment / tools for emotional work / Max

During one of my father’s emotional outbursts with criticism towards me I discovered a very effective technique to protect one’s own emotions (and vulnerability) against unjust criticism. The idea is to apply real-time shadow processing from the other person’s perspective. If they are triggered by something, it is referring to something within them. e.g. if […]

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What is emotional safety?

Leave a Comment / boundaries, relationships, self defeating behaviors / Max

I’ve started today, on a whim, to compile a list of “top things I would like to see in a girlfriend”. At the very top of my list is “emotional safety”. I then tried to formulate what I mean by “emotional safety”. And this definition is what I came up with: When she is in

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Controlling the past

The woman and the dog

Leave a Comment / boundaries, relationships, self defeating behaviors / Max

My father and I met a woman customer at the local post office, back when we were still living in Munich. She had a dog with her, and was berating the dog. I remember it ducking away in pain and looking up with it’s sad dog eyes. It was a German shepherd. Maybe it had

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Upset about distance? Do golden shadow work

2 Comments / relationships, tools for emotional work / Max

The woman I love is the greatest teacher to me. She withdraws from me. I start obsessing about how to “win her”, how to “convince her to build a relationship with me.” Yes, we’re kind of stuck in the “friends or more?” stage. I’m getting mixed signals from her, and am confused. I had been

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The emotional processing tool as based on Thais Gibson’s teachings

5 Comments / tools for emotional work / Max

The purpose of this process (emotional processing tool) is to be able to handle intense emotions & emotionally upsetting processes on your own in a constructive way. To identify the actual needs at the bottom of your emotions, and to remove pain from stories you tell yourself about this. I’ve prepared a run-down through the

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Reprogramming the conclusion about emotionally unavailable women

The omnipotent brain learning dysfunctional perception strategies

Leave a Comment / neural networks & the brain, self defeating behaviors / Max

I am currently doing the “Perfectionism Trauma” course with the wonderful Thais Gibson. She mentions several dysfunctional strategies in there, for example “never enough” components (“I’m never going to be thin enough / big enough / rich enough / clever enough / … “, no matter how much energy I put into.) On the other

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Prices for chasing emotionally unavailable women

Leave a Comment / emotionally unavailable women, self defeating behaviors / Max

For behaving in ways which are not well-adjusted to this world and self-damaging, we pay prices. It is important to visualize such prices. Chasing emotionally unavailable women (and exclusively focusing on them, while pushing available women away) is a self-defeating behavior. I have analyzed the prices I keep paying to keep my behavior up today.

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