I am a member of the Personal Development School, and also of it’s official Facebook group. Different members post about their lives and relationships. A story which someone posted today (which I will not retell, to respect their privacy!) reminded me of my own situation. A situation, in which I am with “my” DA love […]
It’s not about you Read More »
While we were talking face to face, I noticed that my brother had some crumbs on his lips. I reached out to remove them (without really thinking about it). And my brother instinctively withdrew back. I explained that there are some crumbs I wanted to remove. At that moment I had an insight: my brother
Reactions to the past Read More »
There’s a trick to making all your dishes, cutlery etc. dishwasher-safe: you just treat everything as if it were dishwasher-safe, and discard the items which are not. Eventually, everything you own will be dishwasher-safe. How about applying this to friendships and relationships? You know you need certain things from people. For example to respect your
Dishwasher-safe relationships and friendships Read More »
I’ve had another one of these insights. We all want to achieve certain goals, and essentially control our emotions. Some people use direct methods to do this – for example by setting boundaries, and dissociating from people who disrespect the boundaries. (Thereby essentially setting a harder boundary). And associating with people who are safe &
Insecure attachment styles and control Read More »
Yesterday I had a job applicant in, who is openly very enthusiastic about joining, and really wants to make a good impression. He’s offered to do extra services and help with other things beside the company as well. I find myself resisting his application & interest in the position. Looking for problems, actually. I tell
Your desire is not my desire Read More »
I am currently working on the “Perfectionism” course by Thais Gibson. She recommends to inquire, whether the particular thing we are trying to control is actually within our reasonable control. And if not, to stop trying to control it – and surrender to the outcome. As driven, perfectionistic people, we might feel that “nothing is
Is it reasonable to try and control this? Read More »
I never liked the “toxic people” moniker. It kind of seems unfair towards these people. And then, you get the discussion, “is this person truly toxic or not?” I think the discussion needs to be shifted, and the definition needs to become our own. Same as different people tolerate different levels of poison, and some
I’ve started today, on a whim, to compile a list of “top things I would like to see in a girlfriend”. At the very top of my list is “emotional safety”. I then tried to formulate what I mean by “emotional safety”. And this definition is what I came up with: When she is in
What is emotional safety? Read More »
My father and I met a woman customer at the local post office, back when we were still living in Munich. She had a dog with her, and was berating the dog. I remember it ducking away in pain and looking up with it’s sad dog eyes. It was a German shepherd. Maybe it had
The woman and the dog Read More »
The woman I love is the greatest teacher to me. She withdraws from me. I start obsessing about how to “win her”, how to “convince her to build a relationship with me.” Yes, we’re kind of stuck in the “friends or more?” stage. I’m getting mixed signals from her, and am confused. I had been
Upset about distance? Do golden shadow work Read More »
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