I’ve started today, on a whim, to compile a list of “top things I would like to see in a girlfriend”. At the very top of my list is “emotional safety”. I then tried to formulate what I mean by “emotional safety”. And this definition is what I came up with: When she is in […]
What is emotional safety? Read More »
We often bring up painful situations from the past, and ruminate about them. This is the brain’s way to try and avoid future pain. In reality, it is the brain itself which causes the past to be still painful. And we try to “control the past” (which is impossible), in order to remove / reduce
Controlling the past Read More »
My father and I met a woman customer at the local post office, back when we were still living in Munich. She had a dog with her, and was berating the dog. I remember it ducking away in pain and looking up with it’s sad dog eyes. It was a German shepherd. Maybe it had
The woman and the dog Read More »
The woman I love is the greatest teacher to me. She withdraws from me. I start obsessing about how to “win her”, how to “convince her to build a relationship with me.” Yes, we’re kind of stuck in the “friends or more?” stage. I’m getting mixed signals from her, and am confused. I had been
Upset about distance? Do golden shadow work Read More »
The purpose of this process (emotional processing tool) is to be able to handle intense emotions & emotionally upsetting processes on your own in a constructive way. To identify the actual needs at the bottom of your emotions, and to remove pain from stories you tell yourself about this. I’ve prepared a run-down through the
The emotional processing tool as based on Thais Gibson’s teachings Read More »
Part of my work with the self-defeating behavior (SDB) about chasing emotionally unavailable women and rejecting the women who are interested in me. It’s important to distill the learnings from the work into sentences which are easy to stick into your mind, therefore my wrong (life-taking) and right (life-giving) conclusions are listed below. They key
Reprogramming the conclusion about emotionally unavailable women Read More »
I am currently doing the “Perfectionism Trauma” course with the wonderful Thais Gibson. She mentions several dysfunctional strategies in there, for example “never enough” components (“I’m never going to be thin enough / big enough / rich enough / clever enough / … “, no matter how much energy I put into.) On the other
The omnipotent brain learning dysfunctional perception strategies Read More »
For behaving in ways which are not well-adjusted to this world and self-damaging, we pay prices. It is important to visualize such prices. Chasing emotionally unavailable women (and exclusively focusing on them, while pushing available women away) is a self-defeating behavior. I have analyzed the prices I keep paying to keep my behavior up today.
Prices for chasing emotionally unavailable women Read More »
I just had this thought: Maybe I keep giving to women who can’t receive, because there are built-in boundaries. If I was to give to a person who is able to receive, then possibly I might exhaust myself with giving much more than I can – there would not be any boundary. So I’ve chosen
Giving to someone who can’t receive Read More »
I’ve stumbled across a great blog about horses yesterday: Pferdeflüsterei (in German). It came at a great point in my life, reminding me about some fundamental truths of humanity & compassion. I think a lot of the things about a relationship with a horse (for example being fair, not putting it under pressure, understanding it’s
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