Yesterday I had a job applicant in, who is openly very enthusiastic about joining, and really wants to make a good impression. He’s offered to do extra services and help with other things beside the company as well. I find myself resisting his application & interest in the position. Looking for problems, actually. I tell […]
Your desire is not my desire Read More »
When we are in love with someone, we focus on the “yes” in the “maybe”. Today, for me, it is time to hear the “no”, as well. My love interest and me, we have a cycle which runs as follows: she apologizes for the long delay in which I didn’t hear from her (during which
Hearing the “no” in the “maybe” Read More »
I am currently working on the “Perfectionism” course by Thais Gibson. She recommends to inquire, whether the particular thing we are trying to control is actually within our reasonable control. And if not, to stop trying to control it – and surrender to the outcome. As driven, perfectionistic people, we might feel that “nothing is
Is it reasonable to try and control this? Read More »
I never liked the “toxic people” moniker. It kind of seems unfair towards these people. And then, you get the discussion, “is this person truly toxic or not?” I think the discussion needs to be shifted, and the definition needs to become our own. Same as different people tolerate different levels of poison, and some
During one of my father’s emotional outbursts with criticism towards me I discovered a very effective technique to protect one’s own emotions (and vulnerability) against unjust criticism. The idea is to apply real-time shadow processing from the other person’s perspective. If they are triggered by something, it is referring to something within them. e.g. if
Real-time shadow processing defense technique (protection against unjust criticism) Read More »
I’ve started today, on a whim, to compile a list of “top things I would like to see in a girlfriend”. At the very top of my list is “emotional safety”. I then tried to formulate what I mean by “emotional safety”. And this definition is what I came up with: When she is in
What is emotional safety? Read More »
We often bring up painful situations from the past, and ruminate about them. This is the brain’s way to try and avoid future pain. In reality, it is the brain itself which causes the past to be still painful. And we try to “control the past” (which is impossible), in order to remove / reduce
Controlling the past Read More »
My father and I met a woman customer at the local post office, back when we were still living in Munich. She had a dog with her, and was berating the dog. I remember it ducking away in pain and looking up with it’s sad dog eyes. It was a German shepherd. Maybe it had
The woman and the dog Read More »
The woman I love is the greatest teacher to me. She withdraws from me. I start obsessing about how to “win her”, how to “convince her to build a relationship with me.” Yes, we’re kind of stuck in the “friends or more?” stage. I’m getting mixed signals from her, and am confused. I had been
Upset about distance? Do golden shadow work Read More »
The purpose of this process (emotional processing tool) is to be able to handle intense emotions & emotionally upsetting processes on your own in a constructive way. To identify the actual needs at the bottom of your emotions, and to remove pain from stories you tell yourself about this. I’ve prepared a run-down through the
The emotional processing tool as based on Thais Gibson’s teachings Read More »
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